Reflection:Fear Will Not Lead Me

Over the last two months, life has felt like an emotional and, at times, frightening journey for me.

There have been moments when I have felt as though I was being pulled in completely different directions — one part of me wanting to shut myself away, retreat into what feels safe and protect myself, while another part of me has been saying, “Keep going. Don't give up.”

But I also want to be honest about something else.

I have been happy too.

There have been moments of laughter, moments of peace, moments where I have enjoyed life and felt genuinely happy. So these last two months haven't simply been about fear or sadness.

What I have struggled with most has been the not knowing.

Not knowing what is going to happen.

Not knowing where things will lead.

Not knowing what tomorrow might bring.

And perhaps that is something I am having to learn to accept, because the truth is that none of us really knows what is going to happen in life.

We can make plans. We can try to prepare ourselves. We can think through every possible outcome.

But ultimately, tomorrow belongs to God.

I've also tried to distract myself.

Sometimes that has helped. Keeping busy, doing things I enjoy, focusing my attention somewhere else — these things can give my mind a rest.

But distraction isn't always possible.

Sometimes the thoughts are still there.

Sometimes the feelings catch up with us.

Sometimes when everything becomes quiet, the things we have been trying not to think about are still waiting for us.

And that has made me ask myself a deeper question:

What exactly am I afraid of?

Is it the fear of a person?

Is it the fear of an event?

Is it the fear of something that happened in the past?

Is it the fear of remembering?

Is it the fear of what remembering might make me feel?

Or is it the fear of something that hasn't even happened yet?

The Bible doesn't pretend that fear doesn't exist.

Again and again, Scripture speaks to people who are frightened, uncertain, overwhelmed and unsure of what lies ahead.

In Isaiah 41:10, God says:

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you.”

What strikes me about that isn't simply the command “do not fear.”

It is the reason God gives:

“For I am with you.”

God doesn't say, “Don't be afraid because you know exactly what is going to happen.”

He says, “I am with you.”

That changes the question.

Perhaps faith isn't about knowing what tomorrow holds.

Perhaps faith is trusting the One who holds tomorrow.

Then there is Psalm 27:1:

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?”

There are times when fear can make everything feel dark and uncertain.

But the Psalmist doesn't say that there is nothing to fear.

He points towards God as light, salvation and stronghold.

When I don't know what is coming next, I can still know where my foundation is.

When I feel uncertain, I can still turn towards the One who does not change.

And then Jesus says something in John 14:27 that speaks directly into those unsettled places:

“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you... Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”

Jesus doesn't promise that life will never trouble us.

He offers us His peace in the middle of it.

That is something I am learning.

Peace isn't necessarily the absence of difficult circumstances.

Sometimes peace is knowing that, even while my circumstances and emotions are unsettled, Christ is still present.

And when the thoughts begin going round and round, when I start worrying about what might happen, Philippians 4:6–7 gives me something practical to do.

Scripture tells us not to be consumed by anxiety, but to bring everything to God in prayer, with thanksgiving, and to make our requests known to Him.

And then comes that beautiful promise:

“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

That doesn't tell me that I have to understand everything.

In fact, it tells me something quite different.

God's peace can exist even when I don't understand.

I can bring God the questions I cannot answer.

I can bring Him the fears I cannot explain.

I can bring Him the memories I don't always understand.

I can bring Him the uncertainty about tomorrow.

And I can trust Him with them.

These last two months have taught me that I cannot always control what feelings arise within me.

I cannot always control what memories return.

I cannot always control the uncertainty of life.

And I cannot simply distract myself from everything forever.

But I can choose what I do with those feelings.

I can pause instead of react.

I can pray instead of spiral.

I can seek wisdom instead of assuming the worst.

I can remember that a feeling is real without allowing that feeling to become my guide.

I can allow myself to be happy without feeling guilty because other things are difficult.

I can laugh.

I can enjoy a moment.

I can experience peace.

I can keep living.

And I can still acknowledge that there are things that frighten me.

Because feeling fear is not the same as being ruled by fear.

That brings me back to 2 Timothy 1:7:

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

For me, that doesn't mean pretending I am never afraid.

It means remembering that fear does not have to have the final word.

God has given me power — not to control everything, but to keep taking the next faithful step.

God has given me love — which means I don't have to respond to everything by shutting myself away and protecting myself.

And God has given me a sound mind — the ability to pause, pray, seek wisdom and discern rather than simply react to whatever emotion is loudest.

Perhaps spiritual maturity isn't about never being frightened.

Perhaps it is learning how to remain anchored when we are.

Sometimes faith looks less like feeling brave and more like taking the next faithful step while still feeling afraid.

I don't know what tomorrow will bring.

I don't know exactly where every road will lead.

I don't know what I will feel tomorrow, or what I will have to face.

But I am beginning to understand that I don't have to know everything to trust God.

So I'm learning to say:

“Lord, I don't know what comes next, but I know You are with me.”

I may feel fear, but fear will not lead me.

I may feel unsettled, but I will not give up.

I may not have all the answers, but I know where my hope is.

And when I cannot see the road ahead, I can still take the next step with Christ.

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear?”

“My peace I give you.”

“The peace of God... will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Maybe I don't need to know exactly what tomorrow holds.

Maybe I simply need to trust the God who does.

Amen. 🙏